Bobby Valentino- Tell me Lyfe Jennings- Must be nice David Banner- Play Lloyd Banks feat. Avant- Karma Memphis Bleek feat. Donell Jones- i wanna love you Rozwell- Only wanna be with you Goo Goo Dolls- Black Balloon
HAPPY EASTER Happy Easter everyone! who am i kidding i'm the only one that ever reads this with the exception of a few people, so for those who actually do read this thing.. HAPPY EASTER to you! God Bless!
this may just be the most hideous easter bunny i've ever seen! Happy Easter kids!
Clarity? its weird, but when you least expect it a friend from out of the blue will help you see things clearer, i know that happened today, as good friday came to an end, an expected messenger message came across my screen, my thesismate kim who is now in canada messaged me and asked how i was hearing from her friend about cel and i, so we got to talking and she really opened my eyes to a lot of things, i guess different perspectives from different people really help! i'm sure its not the moment of clarity that will finally help me move on, but i'm sure its one of those events that will eventually get me to that moment, so for that i say thank you kim!
last words..
i'll leave you with a portion of an email that i got from jay, same thing happened to him in high school.. thank you brother!
"i don't know if it will be one single defining moment for you, but you
will get over everything dude..trust me..all you need to do is give it
time...don't force yourself to get over her..just know in time
everything will be much clearer..and know your friends are here dude..
jempol!"
tried to find the handyplast guy, but this will do, JEMPOL!
Healing just came back from mass and thought i'd share something for everyone and not just me, i don't know why i still write in this thing, i guess its a form of cathersis for me (man i hope i used that word right!) especially now, there are a few people who occasionally read this thing but this thing is more for me now.. anyway, something the priest said in his sermon really got me, he said, "there can be no healing if there is no forgiveness and if one can not forget", for me the forgiving part comes easy but forgetting is hard.. i guess thats why its so hard for me to sleep and completely block out all that i feel cuz i can't forget.. i'd like to but its hard especially if that someone was your bestfriend as well, its easy when another person is just a girlfriend, but when that person is your bestfriend and someone you've shared everything with it gets harder to let go and forget, forgiving comes easy if you care for the person but the forgetting is very hard especially when every little thing or event reminds you of the other person.. so i guess when i can start to forget then the healing will start to take effect...
on a brighter note? there is katie my cute and loveable neice! went to the club yesterday and katie came along as well, she was so cute playing and eating and just enjoying being out, she has the type of personality and aura that just makes you happy whenever she's around.. check back on my picture blog in a bit and i'll post some pics of her when we went out..
last words..
thank god for God, family, and friends.. went to con's two nights ago and just chilled and drank with jay, con, lo, and the collado sisters, was a good time and helped me put things into perspective again, without my friends i really don't know where i'd be.. thanks to everyone for lending an ear and being there for me, really really appreciate it! have a good good friday, easter saturday, and easter sunday! be back soon as i have nothing else to do these days :)
sleepless its 10:45 at the office right now and i still haven't gotten a wink of sleep, i had to get out of bed at around 5:30 to attend a meeting with one of our clients and basically just wasted an hour and a half at the meeting cuz nothing was decided, i love days that start of like this! to top that off i haven't been able to get any sleep the past few days regardless of how tired i am and believe me i'm tired... i guess things are still lingering in my head even subconciously (i hope i spelled that right), its kind of like what michael corleone said in the Godfather series, you think you're out but they just keep on pulling you back, in a sense i think thats how i feel right now, i feel like i can move on and then all of sudden something out of the blue just pulls me back and i can't sleep, can't eat, and can't concentrate, one good thing though? i have lost weight cuz of the lack of sleep and the lack of appetite :)
had coffee with erika last night, i gave her some of cel's stuff and some of cel's baby pics, i thought she might want that stuff back and i have no need for it, and i think letting go of those things really helps you to let go of the person..
last words...
holy week is definetly in full swing, there is barely anybody in the office or on the roads and the city feels like a ghost town.. if it could only be like this everyday...
i wanna go to boracay!
music man i wish i were musically talented, for real! its amazing what music can do and express, it seems that some artist no matter who or where they come from have experienced what you have, what do i mean by this? there always seems to be a song for every situation, every emotion, or every event you have gone through, and will go through as well... now if i could only sing or play an instrument... i'm the only one in my family that has no musical talent, i'm the black sheep both literaly and figurativily (did i spell that right?) i'm the darkest skinned person in the family as well... oh well..
whats been happening? well this week was tough and i can imagine it being tougher in the following weeks, still adjusting to the fact that all my time is exactly that.. my time, its also weird not having someone to look out for and someone looking out for you, its definetly change but i'm looking forward to it! went to a party last night and got pretty tipsy but i needed that, i told my friends down here about cel and i and they really all helped me sort out my feelings and put things into perspective, i hadn't told most of them till last night cuz i was afraid they'd judge cel and respond negatively, but they were all really cool about it and understood.. its a good feeling knowing that you're friends and family are behind you during tough times, and because of them i know i'm guna be fine...
congrats to the arrowheads, my former team for beating my current team yesterday.. though we really wanted to beat them we were happy at the same time cuz we've seen those guys grow and learn to be a team..
last words..
holy week is here and historically i've never really been too excited about holy week cuz i'm usually stuck in my house doing nothing except praying and going to mass, but i think this holy week couldn't come at a better time, i think it will give me the opportunity to reflect, to thank god, and to pray for guidance and help for the following months..
